


Waiting for Your Touch

by Love_andbalance



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Longing, Pregnancy, Reylo Baby, Separation and pining, Waiting, reylo au, soft romance, sweet lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:35:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22935688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Love_andbalance/pseuds/Love_andbalance
Summary: I am constantly surprised by the longing for you that never quiets- Tyler Knott GregsonThe young orphan Rey is a ward under the protection of the crown prince of the Kingdom of Ren. He saved her life when she was a child and she grew to love him as she loved no other. When he leaves her to spend several years training in the neighboring kingdoms for his eventual role as king, she is determined to become a lady worthy of his attention before his return.Ben expects to come home to the welcome of the wild and free young girl who was his constant shadow from the moment he pulled her nearly lifeless body from the sea. Instead, he finds a poised young woman who challenges him at every turn and intoxicates him in ways he never dreamed possible.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 34
Kudos: 205





	1. In the Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heroes are people who rise quietly to the occasion and slip quietly away- Tom Brokaw

Rey knew she was going to die. The storm had rolled the waves into monsters and driven the ship into sharp rocks that had broken the wood into splinters and tossed people aside like toy dolls. The screams still echoed frightfully in the darkness, but Rey couldn’t see anyone through the rain and the crashing of the water.

She searched desperately for her mother, but the last glimpse Rey gotten was her terrified face as she had been swallowed by a large wave. She hadn’t come back up from the dark swirl of the angry sea.

The water was cold and Rey's grip on the piece of floating wood she was holding onto was beginning to falter. She was crying when the next wave swallowed her and tore the wood from her grasp, but there was no one around to hear her.

She tumbled through the water, hands clawing for purchase, desperate for anything that could help her find air again as her chest burned painfully and her mind began to blur. Something brushed against her fingertips and she stretched out toward it blindly. A strong hand grasped her arm and she was suddenly being pulled toward the surface, toward light and life.

“I’ve got her! She’s just a child but she’s alive!” A man’s voice cried out above the crashing of the water and the boom of thunder on the clouds.

Rey’s small body landed with a thump on the bottom of a rowboat. A young man was still clutching her hand, patting her hard on the back as she spewed sea water from her lungs.

“Ben, we have to go back! It’s too dangerous, we can’t reach the rest!” She turned and saw another man rowing the small boat against the tall waves. He was older and though his face was pained it was also determined. He knew that going back meant death for those in the water, but he wouldn’t condemn the people in his own boat to death on a fruitless rescue attempt.

The younger man nodded reluctantly and turned his face back toward shore, away from the screams of the dying. He had black hair, a too pale face, and dark eyes that were shadowed with sadness. Rey clung desperately to his arm and he lifted her smoothly and placed her on his lap.

She felt safe here, and certain he wouldn’t allow any harm to come to her. They held on to each other until they reached the safety of the shore.

She clung to him again the next morning when she was brought before the king and queen. They seemed nice, but scary. Things were less scary when he was with her.

“She seems to be quite taken with you, Ben. Does she have a name?” the queen asked. Her voice was kind and her eyes sympathetic.

“She won’t let go of me since Poe and I dragged her out of the water. I have managed to get a maid to get her changed into dry clothes and feed her, but she won’t speak to anyone.”

“Hmm,” said the queen. “Will you tell him your name?”

Rey pondered the question for a moment before tugging on his sleeve and motioning that he should bend down. When he did, she whispered quietly in his ear.

“Her name is Reyna.”

“And how old are you Reyna?” asked the queen.

Again, she tugged on his sleeve.

“Six”, Ben announced.

“Well, we can’t just let her go to the orphanage. We have plenty of room for her here and I feel responsible for her.” The young man had a stubborn look on his face, as though he was daring his parents to defy him.

The king sighed but his wife just smiled.

“I agree and so does your father. Right, Han?”

Han nodded, though he looked exasperated to be outnumbered in his own kingdom. “Of course, the hospitality of Queen Leia is legendary. I expected nothing less.”

“Have the maids set up rooms for her in the servant’s quarters," instructed the queen, ignoring her husband's pointed remark.

Ben simply nodded and left the room with Rey still clutching tightly to his sleeve.

Her room in the servant’s quarters were comfortable enough during the day, and she had soon made a close friend in Rose, who was the cook’s youngest daughter. They spent most of their days running through the castle, following the young prince around to his duties. Rey, especially, was never far from his sight and he soon nicknamed her his little shadow.

At night though, when the dreams came and the screaming came with them, the darkness and the isolation were too much for her to bear.

Only Ben was able to calm her and soon, in the interest of finding some peace and some sleep, he abandoned the pretense and moved a small cot into the corner of his own bed chamber. There were some raised eyebrows in the castle, but her youth and trauma kept most of the tongues from speaking out against the impropriety of the arrangement.

Over the next four years he taught her horseback riding, archery, and light sword work. She turned up her nose at the more ladylike pursuits required of Rose and spent her time perfecting ever more outrageous ways to behave and make him laugh at her antics.

By the time she was ten the shy and terrified shell of a child she had been when he first saved her life had grown into a half feral wildling because he refused to allow anyone to discipline her or force her to wear skirts or do any of the other things a young girl of her age should be doing. Her hair was kept scandalously short and she was usually covered in dirt.

She adored him all the more for it.

The day he left was the hardest moment of her life.

He waited to tell her until the morning he was leaving because he knew that she wasn’t going to take the news well. She was sitting in a tree in the garden, bare feet swinging below the branch and eating a pastry she had stolen while Rose distracted her mother in the kitchen. He walked under her branch and tugged at her dirty toes. She smiled at him mischievously and tossed him part of the pastry.

Ben was twenty now and, though he played with her less than he used to because of his increasing responsibilities within the kingdom, she still loved him with all her heart. He had grown tall, strong, and handsome. She planned on marrying him once she was old enough, but she hadn’t told him yet. It would ruin the surprise.

“Hey, little shadow, come down I need to talk to you.”

She hopped down and landed at his feet. “What’s wrong, Ben?” He looked so uncomfortable that she was immediately concerned. Something was definitely wrong. “Ben?”

“I have to go away for a while.”

She shrugged. “You go away a lot. When will you be back? Next week?”

He shook his head, looking at a spot just over her shoulder. “Not this time, Rey. My father wants to strengthen our alliances with the neighboring kingdoms, so he is sending me to study with them.” His voice was strained but firm.

“How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t know. Years maybe.”

Her eyes snapped up, taking in his precious face as her world crumbled around her. “What?”

“I’m sorry, Rey. I have to go. You will still have a home here while I’m gone, and I promise I’ll come back to you sweetheart.”

She shook her head fiercely. “You can’t go, Ben! You can’t leave me!”

He stood up, unable to look at her while tears spilled down her cheeks. He tried to hug her, but she backed away, pushing his hands off her in desperate rage.

She turned and fled, running blindly and ignoring him as he called her name.

She didn’t look back.

She ran straight to her room, hands grabbing every gift he had ever given her, everything that reminded her of him, and smashing it against the stone castle walls. Her screams echoed down the hallways, along with the sounds of breaking glass and shattering wood.

Rose’s mother and a young servant girl ran into the room, horrified. “Reyna! Stop that this instant!” The maid grabbed the mirror she had in her hands a moment before it, too, joined the broken mess on the floor. Rose’s mother scooped her up and held her close as she tossed and raged against the loss of him.

“You stop that, now, child and listen to me. You can’t continue to behave like this. The young prince thinks its amusing now to see you so wild, but what if he comes home with a bride? Do you think his new wife will allow this kind of behavior? If you want to still have a home when he returns, you need to learn to act like a proper lady.”

Rey stopped struggling, the fear of Ben sending her away after waiting years for his return was too much to even imagine. Hot tears still ran down her cheeks, but a burning sense of resolve had taken root within her. Ben would never send her away and if she had to become the perfect lady in order to make sure it of then that’s exactly what she would do.


	2. Transformed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't grieve. Anything you love comes round in another form- Rumi

Ben stood patiently on the deck of the ship that was bringing home, swaying slightly with the roll of the water beneath. He watched as the castle outlined against the stormy gray sky loomed closer. It had been six long years since he had last set foot on his own land, seen his own family.

It was good to be back.

A firm hand clasped him on the shoulder and turned to smile at his best friends. Poe had followed him on his journey when he left the Kingdom of Ren. Finn and Hux he had picked up along the way. They were his as loved as any brother of birth could have been and he knew the blessing that a future king had when he had those who were loyal.

“What have you missed the most? Poe asked. “The scenery, the whiskey, or the women?”

Ben shook his head with a laugh. “How can a man choose? Soon we will get to show our new friends the joys of our home, as they have had the please to show us theirs.”

In his heart, though, he knew he was eager to see his parents and little Reyna. She must have grown since he left her.

The docking of the ship was a quick affair, most of the crew and servants aboard had been through this process several times when landing with the prince in a new kingdom and they were quick and efficient in their duties. The four men were striding through the halls of the castle within the hour.

“My son, welcome home!” Ben turned and smiled as his mother lifted her skirts and ran to him. “We weren’t expecting you back until at least tomorrow!”

“We had a good wind, it brought us in early!” Ben introduced him mother to Hux and Finn.

“We will have rooms arranged for you immediately, right this way.” Leia began to lead them toward the guest wing of the castle, chatting happily about their trip and their plans for their visit.

“Mother, where are Father and Reyna?”

Leia paused, “Your father is hunting. He will be back by the evening meal. I can send someone to fetch Reyna if you would like? I can have her meet you in the throne room?”

Ben nodded absently, wondering what his father would think of the tales of his travels. He had certainly learned much of war and diplomacy, he had come to appreciate the value of their neighbors and to understand their customs and cultures. Surely, Han would be pleased with all of this.

He roamed aimlessly around the throne room as he waited for Reyna’s arrival. Nothing here seemed to be much changed since his absence, except perhaps that his mother had a few more gray hairs than she had when he left.

Not that anyone in their right mind would mention it to her, he thought.

The was the sudden distant click of a woman’s shoes on tile. His mother returning, perhaps, to tell him that the servants had been unable to find his wild child?

They were probably looking up the wrong tree, he mused.

The footsteps grew louder and soon a young woman stepped into the room. Ah, not his mother, then.

The young lady made a quick curtsey and he noted that her hair was plaited into coils that made a crown around her head and the blue dress she wore was plain but perfectly clean and fashionable. Not a servant girl, then, either.

“Your highness,” her voice was soft and measured, each word lilting and delivered with respect and proper elocution. He smiled, a governess, most likely.

“Well?” he asked pointedly.

The young woman’s eyes flicked to his briefly, before she looked away. “My lord?”

“You seem to have misplaced your charge? Where is she?”

“I…I’m afraid I don’t understand, my lord? You sent for me.”

He frowned, running his hands through his hair in frustration. “I asked my mother to send me Reyna. Looking after the girl is your job is it not? Why have you not brought her with you?”

The girl simply stood there, mouth slightly agape, as he glared daggers at her. How difficult could it be to answer a simple question? If the girl was impaired in some way, his mother had been remiss not to mention it.

Leia suddenly swept into the room, looking around expectantly. He had been too distracted with the governess to hear her coming.

The girl made a swift curtsy to the queen, “Your highness, may I please be excused?”

Leia looked from the girl to Ben in puzzlement but nodded her assent.

The governess left the room quickly, before Ben had a chance to protest.

“Mother, I think that there must be something wrong with that girl. She doesn’t seem like an appropriate governess for Rey. She knew I sent for her, arrived without her, and then refused to answer me about why she had left her behind.”

Leia’s eyes were wide and stunned. “Ben, you’ve been gone for six years. Rey has no need for a governess.”

He waved disgusted hand the now empty doorway, “Then who was she?”

“That _was_ Rey.” His mother’s words hit Ben in the stomach, it felt like taking a hard blow in training. The wind had been knocked out of him entirely.

“That can’t possibly be Rey. Rey isn’t…she doesn’t…”

Leia nodded sympathetically. “She’s grown up, Ben. After you left, she devoted herself to more appropriate studies. She was an excellent pupil in music and has the best needlework in the castle. No one has seen a bare foot or heard an upset tone from the child in years.”

Ben sat down hard on the nearest chair. His Rey, and he hadn’t even recognized her. She had addressed him like was a stranger. Had she forgotten him? The possibility of it hurt him more than he thought possible.

“Your arrival was well timed, " his mother continued. Your father was been thinking for some time that he needs to find a husband for the girl. Now, the task can fall to you, as one of your first duties back home.”

He looked at her blankly, not able to comprehend her meaning. He had not worked the idea into his mind that the girl had become a woman and his mother was already asking him to arrange a husband for her.

“I think, first, I had better go and find her. I need to apologize for my behavior of a few moments ago.”

“She’ll likely be in the garden. It is still her favorite place.”

Rey wasn’t difficult to find. No longer hanging barefoot from the trees, she was sitting on a small bench staring hard at a rose bush. He cleared his throat, hoping not to startle her, and she stood up gracefully before dipping a small curtsy.

Her face was poised and nearly devoid of expression. “My lord?”

“Ah, I just wanted to say that I am sorry. I seem to have forgotten how long I was gone. I was expecting to return to the child I left behind, and it didn’t occur to me…” His voice trailed off.

He was studying her face. Her freckles had faded, and her cheeks had become less plump. The soft curve of her mouth was an attractive shade of pink, no loner smeared with pastry crumbs and dirt. Her eyes, though they were same shade of hazel they had always been, were now shuttered tight. The light of mischief in them extinguished during his absence.

He sighed. She looked remarkably pretty in her nice dress and perfectly styled hair. He absolutely hated everything about it. “What did they do to you?” he finally asked, unable to fathom how this could be the same girl.

“They did nothing improper, my lord. I was instructed in all of the acceptable ladylike pursuits. I have been tutored in academics, educated in proper manners, and instructed in the methods of running a large household.”

He ran a hand through his hair and clenched his teeth together. None of this made any sense. Rey was the last person in the world to have willingly taken up needlepoint.

One of her eyebrows lifted in unspoken question at his behavior. “You’ll find I possess every quality that a lady respectable lady should display. I wished to give you no reason to send me away.”

For a moment, it seemed as though her emotions had cracked through the wall she had built around herself. Her eyes seemed unbearably sad and deeply frightened. Then it was gone, and the poised emotionless expression returned.

“Send you away? Who the hell said I was going to send you away?” His voice was rising with each passing word.

Rey looked at him, bemused at his outburst. “Cook did, and the servants. They told me the day you left that if you came home with a bride that she would send me away because of my behavior.”

She raised her hands, palms up in display of helplessness. “I couldn’t spend each day worrying that you would return, and I would be forced to leave.”

He sat down with another thud, this time one the bench she had recently vacated. “I would never have allowed anyone to send you away.”

She looked at him shrewdly. “All of my planning was wasted, regardless. My fine manners have led the king to envision a fine marriage for me. He wishes for you make a match for me with someone from one of the places you have lived these past years, strengthen those alliances…” Her eyes never faltered, nor did her tone waver, though he felt the bitterness in her. “And so, I am to be sent away after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you are enjoying the story so far. I live for feedback so comments and kudos are always great! If you like this story, my other works can be found at https://archiveofourown.org/users/Love_andbalance/works
> 
> I'm also on Twitter @Love_andbalance so you can follow me there for story updates and Star Wars related content!


	3. Reawakened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They are in each other all along- Rumi

Rey looked at Finn from under her lashes and smiled sweetly. Her arm was tucked neatly in the crook of his elbow as he escorted her into the dining area. Ben had given her clear instructions that she spend time with Finn and Hux. The king had plans to use her for an advantageous marriage and either of them would make a suitable choice of husband.

Ben had taken her aside and explained that he wanted her to be able to choose, to have some hand in her own fate. She knew he felt guilty and vaguely uneasy about all of this, but she had given up hope long ago.

All the love she had for him had been pressed down so far inside her that it was nearly unreachable. What the outside world saw as a perfectly polite young woman, was simply a heart so broken that she had stopped caring about life entirely.

The men in question stirred nothing at all in her, though they were both adequately handsome. Hux was a rigid man, pale with red hair that was always flawlessly styled. Finn had dark hair and skin and his eyes were kind and full of laughter.

When the introductions had been made the previous week, they each been nearly as surprised to see her as Ben had been. Apparently, he had been fond of telling stories of her more entertaining youthful escapades and they had expected someone far less appealing than what was presented. Both men had been courteous, polite, and clearly interested.

Rey simply could not have cared less. She had been more tactful, of course, when communicating that to Ben. She had stated only that she believed it best if he chose for her, but he had insisted.

She could feel him watching her as she took her place at the table. She was seated beside Finn, with whom she made polite conversation. He attempted to draw her into more personal topics but gave up quickly when she provided no useful answers. He looked at Ben and shrugged, but she ignored the gesture.

She had no need to get to know either of the potential grooms on a personal level. If she refused to choose between them, the king would make a choice shortly and assign her a motivation for her indecision. Politeness, most probably. Didn’t want to hurt anyone’s ego by choosing his rival.

Ben stood first at the end of dinner, walking quickly around the table and seamlessly reaching to transfer her arm from Finn’s arm to his own. He hadn’t touched her at all since his return and his hand on hers was like brand to the skin. She could feel the muscle beneath her fingers when he laid her hand on his arm and her stomach did a quick and unwelcome flip.

“I’d like a quick word with the lady, please, Finn,” Ben’s voice was soft but did not invite argument. That was a new trait, she thought, he had learned the art of practiced command and it flowed from him effortlessly.

His friend nodded amicably, and Ben let the rest of the group leave the room ahead of them, walking slowly enough that they were soon out of earshot if they kept their voices low. “Does he not interest you at all, little shadow?”

Her heart gave an uncomfortable lurch inside her chest at the sound of her childhood nickname. His presence beside her was large and he smelled pleasantly of some fragrance that she remembered from her dreams.

She swallowed hard, fingers tightening reflexively on his arm. “He is perfectly adequate, as I have said before. Thank you for your concern, my lord, but I have long since resigned myself to my future. I am sure that your father will be able to…”

She stopped in surprise. Ben had simply stopped walking in the middle of the hallway. Her hand was still resting beneath his much larger one, pinned against him, and she was also pulled to an abrupt halt.

“My lord?” She flicked her gaze to his face, but then back the point over his left shoulder that she looked at when forced to speak directly to him. Looking at him directly was a temptation to emotion that she was not willing to indulge in.

“Stop calling me that,” he growled from between clenched teeth. “What is wrong with you? Do you not care what happens to you for the rest of your life?”

She looked directly at him now, briefly making no effort to conceal the depth of her emptiness. “No, I do not.” She waved her hand in the direction the others had gone. “Shall we continue before our presence is missed?”

He pressed a hand to his face, rubbing his eyes as he tried to make sense of her. “No, we shall _not_. Have you taken leave of your senses while I was gone? My Rey was not so weak and so timid that she was afraid to speak an opinion!”

“Your Rey was a child and had childish dreams. I wanted to marry _you_ back then,” the corner of lip turned up at the corner in a rueful smile, “before I realized that was quite impossible.”

He looked at her, momentarily dumbfounded.

“I was young, Ben, and you were my hero. I was so devastated when you left, so afraid of what my life would be without you. I was powerless to bring you back, so I did what I could to try and ensure that you wouldn’t send me away when you returned.”

She shook her head, her hands clenching tightly into fists at her sides. “But then you never came, and you father explained to me the plan for my marriage. I am being sent away anyway, and nothing matters anymore.”

“Rey,” he stepped closer to her, tipped her chin up with his fingers until she was forced to look into his eyes. They were dark and warm, just as she remembered them being. His eyes drifted over her face, taking in the changes that time had brought. She had felt him looking at her often over the past week and her hastily stolen glances told her that he often wore a bemused expression.

His thumb slid across her lips and they parted in surprise at the unexpected touch. Something stirred within her, emotions left long undisturbed. She leaned into his hand and fingers cupped her cheek.

“Ben? Is everything, alright?” Leia’s voice broke through the moment and Rey stepped back quickly. Fortunately, the size of Ben’s large frame blocked his mother’s view and she didn’t see him hastily dropping his hand.

“Yes, Mother, I was merely trying to discuss Rey’s option for suitors. I’m uncertain if she’s pleased with her current choices.”

His eyes were watching her intently and she felt as though he were seeking an answer to a question she didn’t understand.

“Ah,” Leia said. “It is still too soon to tell, perhaps. Come, we will see if more time in their company improves her opinion.”

Ben lifted his arm again and she placed her hand upon it. When he laid his hand upon her own his fingers flitted lightly across her skin before settling and his thumb traced lazy circles on her wrist as they walked.

She worked hard to keep her face impassive, though his behavior was too intimate and highly inappropriate.

She knew it was her responsibility to put a stop to such ill-advised intimacies, but this was Ben, after all. He knew his feelings for her were not lustful and he was merely unaccustomed to following the usual rules of propriety around her.

When they entered the drawing room the others were already seated and enjoying casual after dinner conversation. Ben walked Rey to a seat near his mother and stood close by as he discussed the events of his travels with his father.

There were many funny stories, but Rey wasn’t able to concentrate with him standing so close to her. She tried to focus on something else, anything else, but her cheeks were pinked, and her fingers twisted in the folds of her gown long before the others began to lose interest in his tales.

She had kept her feelings under control for so long and in the space of mere moments he had begun to unravel her. She could still feel the touch of his thumb on her lips and her wrist. She felt ill, what would she do when they married her to someone else if her feelings for him had bubbled back to the surface?

“Rey, dear, are you feeling unwell?” Leia was looking at her with concern.

Rey nodded slightly, pressing shaking fingers to her mouth.

“Ben, why don’t you walk Rey to her room? She needs to lie to down.”

She wanted to protest, more time with Ben was the last thing she needed, but it would have been rude to decline.

He reached for her hand again and swept her from the room.

They were both quiet as they climbed the stairs, lost in their own thoughts. He stopped at the top, unsure which room was hers or which way to turn.

“Hmm, oh. It’s that way,” she said, pointing. “Your old room, actually.”

He looked at her in surprise.

“I slept there so often after you left that they eventually just moved my things in.” She lifted her shoulder in a casual dismissal.

He frowned. “I’m sorry, Rey. I didn’t realize how much my leaving would upset you.”

“There was nothing you could have done. You had to go, and I had to stay. I latched onto you so tightly because you saved me.” She turned to face him as they reached to door to the room that used to belong to him. “It wasn’t fair to you. I’m sure you were not entirely thrilled about having a scared young girl following you everywhere.”

He smiled guiltily. “Maybe at first, but I got used to it. I think I missed you most while I was gone. You were always there, a bright spot on any bad day.”

“I’m glad.” She genuinely was, though it hurt to hear it.

There was a moment of awkward silence. It seemed that they had said all that was needed, yet they were reluctant to let go of this small fragment of stolen time.

Her eyes widened in surprise when he reached up to cup her cheek in his hand again. He was looking at her with such focus, a puzzled intensity in his eyes that she had never seen before.

“Ben?” His eyes darkened at hearing her say his name again for the first time since his return and they dropped to stare at her mouth.

Her tongue darted out, wetting her lips and tucking the bottom one between her teeth. He leaned down slowly and her heart began to race in chest.

He was so large, filling her whole frame of vision as he closed the distance between them.

His lips touched hers, a soft, brief caress that was over almost before it had begun. She lifted her gaze to his and found him watching her with hooded eyes. When she didn’t pull away, the hand he had placed on her cheek slid around to hold the back of her neck. His other hand reached for her hip and she gasped softly when he pulled her flush against the front of his body.

She stiffened and her hands lifted to press against his chest. She saw the disappointment on his face and his hands loosened, preparing to let her go.

Panicking, realizing he had read her surprise as rejection, she tightened her fingers on the front of his shirt and lifted herself on tip toe to press a hasty kiss to his lips.

It was fumbling and inexperienced, but he pulled her close and guided her mouth until it fit to his properly. His lips were soft on hers and she was soon drowning in her own senses. He flicked his tongue against her lips, and she parted them in surprise.

He pressed his way inside her mouth and stepped forward backing her against the door to her room as he deepened the kiss. She clung to him as her world tilted on its axis and every feeling she had ever felt for him rushed back. Her childhood adoration mixed with newly awakened adult desires that pooled in her stomach and ran through her body like fire.

Her fingers fisted in his hair and she pressed herself closer to him, need and desperation pushing caution and logic out of her mind.

When he finally pulled away, they were both breathing heavily, chests heaving and eyeing each other warily.

“I…I’m sorry, Rey. I shouldn’t have done that.” He stepped back from her, eyes pained. “I’m supposed to be arranging a match for you with a good husband, and what just happened could ruin that for you.”

She pulled the walls closed against her throbbing emotions, veiled her pain in a pretense of indifference. “Of course, my lord. My apologies, as well. It won’t happen again.”

“Rey…”

“I will speak to your father tomorrow and ask him to choose which of my options will be most advantageous to the kingdom. It is the least I can do for the years of shelter your family has provided me since I came here.”

She didn’t wait for a response before slipping inside her room and closing the door softly in his face.

She heard him swear softly through the door, but he did not pursue her. She sat down on the edge of her bed, hot tears streaming down her face.

For years she had wanted nothing more than his return. Now, she wished he had never come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I am putting a lot of my broken heart into these fics and I hope they are bringing you some joy in these dark times as well. Ben will live for all of us as long as we still love him.


	4. Betrothed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We always long for the forbidden things, and desire what is denied to us- Francois Rabelais

Ben’s teeth were clenched and there was so much tension radiating from his body that his mother was shooting him concerned looks from across the dinner table.

He watched from the corner of his eye as Finn placed his hand on Rey’s. Watched as she turned and gave him a small smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

They were seated on the opposite side of the table, a few seats down from Leia. Rey’s hair was wrapped tightly in its usual braids and the dress she was wearing was a light shade of green that made her skin glow.

He had thought of nothing else since he walked into this room beyond taking it off of her, pulling the pins from her hair and letting it tumble until it was loose and free for him to run his fingers through.

His hand tightened on his glass. What the hell was wrong with him, he wondered, as the guilt swam sickly through is stomach.

She had been in his life since she was a child. He had held her and soothed away her nightmares, rumpled her hair beneath his hand as she skipped past him the hallways, read her stories while she curled into his lap in the library.

But he had left her, and when he returned that child was gone. In her place had been a woman that he didn’t recognize. One whose scent lingered in his dreams; whose touch haunted his every moment.

She was beautiful, but he wanted to tear down the walls of propriety she had built around herself. He could sense the reckless passion for life that he remembered, lying in wait beneath her surface. He caught it in her eyes in stifled glimpses, felt it in the way she kissed him, but she kept had it under rigid control so long he doubted she even knew it was there.

He wanted to pull it out of her, revel in its wildness as the mask of perfect indifference fell away.

Instead he had been stuck for a month, watching helplessly as his father announced her betrothal to one of his best friends.

He was trying not to be angry at Finn. It wasn’t his fault and he didn’t even know he was in the middle of it, but every time he touched her it took all of Ben’s control to turn away and not rip the other man away from her.

He had been a damn fool to kiss her, to feel the way she responded to his touch and discover the taste of her. It made everything so much worse.

He couldn’t get any of it out of his head, couldn’t stop staring at her when he thought she wasn’t looking. He was tormenting himself with fantasies of something he knew could never have.

Even if he had spoken sooner, before his father promised her to someone else, his family would never have allowed it. Like her, his marriage would be one of alliances and loyalties and duty.

She knew it was pointless to dream he realized. Maybe that was why he had refused to speak to him since then, at least past the absolutely necessary niceties that good manners required. She barely looked at him and looked away quickly when she did.

Rey was far more used to being a pawn in someone else’s story and had shut herself down from feeling anything. He looked at her, the void behind her eyes as the polite smile played on her lips. He hated it for her, but maybe she was right. Maybe it would be best to pretend it didn’t matter until he started to believe it.

Then Finn leaned down to speak to her, so close his lips were nearly brushing her ear.

Ben’s chair scraped loudly against the floor as he stood abruptly. “I’m terribly sorry,” he announced, loudly and rudely. “I’m suddenly not feeling well. Please excuse me.” He left the room to shocked eyes, leaving only silence and untouched food on his plate.

He didn’t know where was going, only that he needed to get as far away from that room as possible. In two months, Finn would be her husband. He would be the one that was allowed to touch her, the one that was allowed to caress her skin and run his fingers through her hair.

He hadn’t lied when he left the dining hall, the thought made him want to vomit.

He couldn’t stay here, he realized. How was he supposed to be here when she said vows to someone else? Sleep in the same castle, the same damn country, when she went with her husband to her wedding night?

He looked around and realized his wandering steps had taken him to the library. Luckily for him there always a decanter of whiskey kept fully stocked in the library. He poured a full glass and downed it, trying to chase the images of Rey’s wedding night from his mind.

He dropped into chair, taking the whisky with him, and spent several hours, and several more glasses, trying to drink it all away as the sun finished setting outside the windows.

That’s where he was sitting, staring aimlessly and a bit drunkenly at the courtyard outside the window, when a sudden movement caught his eye.

He leaned forward, trying to force his hazy vision to focus on the lone figure slipping soundlessly through the darkness. It appeared to be a young a boy with a hood pulled up over his head to hide his features.

Ben stood quietly, nerves tingling as he walked quietly to the window, watching the boy glide from shadow to shadow as he headed for the exit hidden in the castle walls. The surest way to bypass the guards or attention from anyone else.

Very few people knew about that exit, for security purposes. Only his parents, himself, and…

He watched as the boy turned and glanced at the sky. The moon slid from behind the clouds just long enough to illuminate the features hidden features beneath the hood.

Rey, he realized with a quick start. In pants and running around outside unsupervised in the dead of night.

He grinned. This was much more like the girl he remembered. Now, where was she going?

He ran out of the library and down the stairs. By the time she slipped out of the castle grounds into the night he was close enough to track her as she made her way down the road toward the ocean.

She was quiet, and her senses were very alert, she nearly spotted him twice, forcing him to duck behind trees and hedges beside the road.

After some time, well out of sight of the castle and the small village tucked into his shadow, he realized where she was going. The small cove where he pulled her from the water as a child, the place where he had first seen her as a small shivering little bundle of fear and loss.

Why would she be headed here of all places?

She disappeared around an outcropping of rock and he picked up his pace, afraid to lose her in the darkness. He stepped around the rock, eyes scanning the beach for some sign of her, and felt the cold press of steel to his throat.

He looked into her eyes, cold and unafraid, down the length of the sword in her hand. The one he had given her so many years ago when she had begged him to teach her how to fight. She had grown into it.

He smiled and she relaxed her arm, allowed the blade to fall away. “Ben? What are you doing here?” She was really looking at him now for the first time since the kiss and he felt relief flow through him

“Following you,” he said simply. “I spotted you from the library window.”

He let his eyes travel down the length of her. She was wearing men’s trousers, a loose shirt, and a cape with the hood pulled up. She easily passed for a young boy, even now that he had gotten plenty of time and exercise to sober up considerably.

“Nice outfit,” he drawled. “For such a prim and proper maiden.”

She frowned and sheathed the sword at her waist again. “I just needed some air. I haven’t been out at night in years, haven’t held a sword in just as long.” She shrugged helplessly. “It’s just going so fast now. I thought I was ready, and I had pushed everything deep inside enough that I could let it happen without feeling it but…”

“But?” he prompted. He watched shadows of emotions chase themselves across her face in the moonlight.

“I can’t. I can feel it all closing in around me.” She looked at him, nameless pleading in her eyes. “I’m going to be married in two months! I’m going to be gone, away to some place I’ve never been. I’m losing my home, my family…I’m losing you…again,” she whispered.

He wanted her to say it, to admit she wanted to be with him, but hearing that pain in her voice hurt him. He would have given anything to take it away, but all he knew to do was try to soothe her fears.

“Finn’s country is beautiful,” he whispered, stepping in closer to grab her hand. “The people are kind. He’s a good man,” he added nodding to himself because he knew it was true.

He lifted her hand, pressed a quick kiss the knuckles, “He’ll be kind to you.”

Her eyes were glued to his lips, watching him intently he pressed her hand to his cheek.

“Is that what you want?” she asked. “For him to be kind to me?”

His heart dropped. He could end all of it, right now. Assure her that he was happy for her, that he wanted her to be safe and secure in a marriage with a good man like Finn. All he had to do was look at her and tell the biggest lie of his life.

She was standing there, in the moonlight with the water lapping quietly at the shore behind her, and he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t tell her what she needed to hear to be free.

He shook his head, hating himself for doing it but not able to stop. “No, it’s not what I want. I want you. I don’t know how it happened, but I can’t stop thinking about you. There is something different between us since I came home, but everything is still somehow just the same. I love you and I want you with me more than anything else, just in a different way.” He frowned, knowing he wasn’t doing a very good job of expressing himself.

A tear slipped down her cheek, silver in the moonlight, and he knew she understood what he couldn’t explain.

“I would have given you everything, Ben, if I could have. I know you can’t marry me, but if it wasn’t for this idea of Han’s to marry me off to someone else, I would happily have gone on just like this, sneaking whatever moments we could in the darkness.” She smiled at him sadly, “It would be better than nothing at all.”

He shook his ruefully. His beautiful girl, offering to live in shame just to be with him. A vicious and selfish part of him wished it was possible, just to keep her close to him, but the engagement was set. They were trapped.

"I hate seeing you with him," he admitted, the words sticking in his chest.

"Is that why you left dinner?"

"Yes, he was touching you and I just couldn't bear it. Couldn't bear the thought of you enjoying it. Couldn't bear the thought of him doing it if you didn't enjoy it."

She nodded, understanding the position he was in.

"Maybe I should just find an excuse to go away again...until after the wedding." He wanted desperately to be anywhere else, to not ever have to see Finn or his hand on Rey ever again.

Her eyes widened and filled with tears before the full sentence had left his mouth. "Please don't leave me, Ben. Don't make me face all this alone. I can't do it without you!"

He stepped closer, brushing against her body with his own as he cupped her face in his hands. "Shhh, please don't cry. If you need me, I'll stay."

He kissed her softly, the brush of lips alone enough to convey the sadness they were both feeling.

The urge to sink into her was strong, but he knew it wouldn’t help either of them right now, so he stepped back and offered her a weak smile.

“Do you want to stay awhile? Since you came all the way here?”

She nodded and he laced his fingers with hers. It was purely torture, walking leisurely down the beach hand in hand with the woman he loved and could never have.

He cleared his throat, trying to think of something to break the despondent mood that had settled over them.

“You still have the sword I gave you,” he nodded to the hilt that stuck out from her belt and she settled her other hand on it absently, as though afraid he might take it from her. Had someone else tried he wondered? Would Finn?

“Yes, I do. I didn’t have anyone else to teach me after you left but I wouldn’t let them take it from me.”

Then they had tried, he realized. Did no one else see the ways that they had broken her spirit in his absence?

“I could practice with you tomorrow, if you want?”

She looked at him in surprise. “You’d let me?” There was a look of excitement in her eyes that he hadn’t seen since his return.

He nodded, “I know you probably wouldn’t want anyone to see you, but we can use that small section of the back garden. If no one goes there still?”

She shook her head, “No still no one.”

They walked the length of the beach and back in companionable silence, soaking in each other’s presence and holding on to memories that would have to serve them through the years.

He took the lead this time as they headed back up the road and slipped unnoticed into the castle walls. They had stolen most of the night, but the sun would soon be rising and they both had parts to play in front of the others. Reality would be a cold truth to face in the light of day.

They stood together at the base of the same staircase he had run down hours earlier, she had one foot on the first step when she paused, eyes focused on his lips and longing on her face.

He thought, hoped, for a moment that her desires would get the better of her, but she just mumbled a hasty goodnight and ran up the stairs toward her room.

He sighed and walked back upstairs to the library to pour another drink. He watched the sun come up from the same window and hoped for the strength to make it through another day without losing his composure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is going to be longer than I originally planned so please enjoy the soft angsty moments!


	5. Discovered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced - James Baldwin

Rey was wearing pants again, this time in the daylight. She was also barefoot in the grass and holding a sword in her hand as sweat dripped into her eyes from exertion.

It was as though years of training and studious struggle to be a perfect and proper lady had fallen away.

Ben had kept his word. He had found her and snuck her out to the very back and rarely used corner of the castle garden. She hadn’t had proper fighting practice since he left and had forgotten most of it. Being any good at it had never really been the point, though.

Ben had allowed it. Even encouraged it, because he liked to see her rise to the challenge and snarl as she blocked blow after blow. She would never win, but neither would she yield, forcing him to be the one to surrender rather than hurt her.

It was no different today than it had been then. The sound of metal clashing on metal rang out across the grounds as he pushed at her from one direction and then the other. She was out of shape and out of practice and it wasn’t long until her sword arm was screaming from the impact of each blow, though she knew he was greatly holding back from using his full strength.

She twisted with his next strike, forcing him off balance as she sidestepped under him, using her smaller size to her advantage and he laughed.

She had missed the sound of his laughter. It was always a little too loud and infectious so that it made the corners of her lips turn up at the sound of it.

“What is happening here?”

She nearly dropped her sword, barely bringing it up in time stop Ben’s next swing from making contact with her chest. They both turned in surprise to find Finn standing a few feet away, a clear look of disapproval on his face.

Ben smiled at his friend, not seeming to notice that Finn did not smile back. Rey noticed, and she felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. “I was just taking Rey out for a bit of practice since it seems there was no one else willing to risk losing their fingers to train her in my absence.”

Rey scrunched her nose at him. Her fighting wasn’t _that_ bad.

Finn shook his head, waving an arm in Rey’s direction. “Is my future wife wearing pants?” He sounded incredulous and extremely offended.

Ben looked at her, too, scanning her with his eyes as though he hadn’t noticed. “Er, yes? It wouldn’t make sense to practice swordplay in skirts.”

“Yes, I am aware. Which is perhaps, why women do not practice swordplay. Your father assured me that she had outgrown the outlandish behaviors that you allowed her when you were home. Now, it seems you are a bad influence on the girl.”

Rey looked down at her feet, curling her bare toes into the grass and hoping he wouldn’t notice she was barefoot as well.

Ben shrugged carelessly. “She’s mine to influence.” The tone held a subtle undercurrent of challenge that did not go unnoticed by Finn.

“Not anymore. The betrothal is set, Ben. She is mine in all but name, and I would prefer her to maintain proper dress and courtesies from this point forward.” He stared at Ben and it was obvious that the friendship between them was suddenly in question. Each man was testing the other’s authority.

“Rey, you will return to your room and change immediately. Please have those clothes returned to whomever you borrowed them from. You won’t need them anymore.” He spoke to her, but his eyes never left Ben.

She knew she had no choice to obey and tucked her chin down and she prepared to hurry past him.

“Wait, please.” He turned now to look at her, clear disappointment in his eyes. “The sword?”

It was still in her hand and she tightened her grip upon the hilt. “I am returning it to my chambers, my lord.” She murmured the words demurely, hoping to stroke his bruised ego.

“That won’t be necessary. To avoid future temptation, please return it to Ben’s keeping.”

She felt as though the air had been knocked out of her. She had fought so hard to keep these simple things over the years, things that reminded of her Ben. She rubbed her thumb over the hilt, felt the dip where he had had her name engraved.

It was hers, but she was to be her husband’s, and thus all of her property, as well. He was within his rights to take it from her.

Tears pricked the edges of her vision as she turned obediently back toward Ben. He looked tense, angry she realized as she walked closer.

She stopped in front of him, willing tears not to fall and he held his hand out. He spoke quietly ensuring his words were only for her ears. “I’m so sorry, Rey. Everything is going to be alright.”

Except they both knew he was lying, and he eventually had to pry the weapon from her stiff fingers.

She walked away as quickly as possible without looking undignified. The last thing she heard was Finn’s raised voice, “Is she not wearing any shoes? Please keep an appropriate distance from my future wife, Solo. She’s not a child following you around anymore.”

She rushed out of earshot before she could hear Ben’s response.

She found Rose waiting for her in her room, holding a dress in her hands and looking anxious. “Did you get caught? Did anyone see you?”

“Of course, they did. Isn’t that the only kind of luck I ever have?”

Rose buried her face in the dress, looking even more distressed. “Who was it? One of the gardeners?”

Rey laughed, but the sound was bitter. “No, it was Finn.”

“Finn. The Finn?” She sat down on Rey’s bed, seemingly unable to handle the horror of Rey’s betrothed seeing her in pants. “Was he angry?”

Rey nodded, huffing out a breath. “He was very angry. Mostly at Ben but he definitely wasn’t pleased with me. I’ve been forbidden from wearing pants, forbidden from fighting- _he took my sword-_ and I was strongly discouraged from spending any more time than necessary around Ben.”

She looked away quickly, willing the tears from her eyes, but Rose was never fooled by her mask of indifference.

“I’m sorry, Rey. We knew that it was probably best if you didn’t spend too much time with him. I know how much it hurt you when he left, and I don’t want to see you go through that kind of pain again.” Rose’s eyes were shining with tears of her own. She had been the only one who truly saw the depths of Rey’s despair in the early years after Ben left.

“I think it may already be too late.” Rey’s shoulders shook with silent sobs as she buried her face in her hands. Rose was on her feet in an instant, pulling Rey in for a hug that did little to stop the flow of her tears but much to help her feel less alone in her sorrow.

“I’m s..sorry!” Rey sniffled. “I’ve tried not to let any of those old attachments come back, but I couldn’t help it!”

And then, before she could stop it, the whole story was tumbling out of her. The kisses, the hand holding, the secret walks on the beach.

Rose sat back down on the bed, mouth agape and eyes wide with shock. “Ben? Your Ben?”

Rey just nodded. There was no way to explain it.

“He was like a big brother to us, all those years we followed him around.” Rose looked at her in puzzlement.

Rey shrugged. “He was, but he was more than that. Even then. He was everything to me, my whole world. I wanted to marry him then, too.”

Rose squeaked. “Marry him? You can’t marry him!”

Rey sat down next to her, taking the dress and laying it across her own lap. “I know. I can’t be his mistress, either, since I have to marry Finn.”

“His mis…” Rose shook her head and stood up firmly. “No, you definitely can’t do that. Now, can we please get you dressed and out of those clothes before you get in any more trouble today?”

Rey nodded, grateful for a friend like Rose whose love and loyalty was unwavering.

She didn’t see him the rest of the day. He was conspicuously absent from dinner and Finn was cold to the verge of being impolite. She didn’t need to have been there to hear the words between the two men to know that the ones exchanged after she left had been unpleasant.

He escorted her to her room after dinner in silence.

She turned to him when they reached her door and found him standing perhaps a bit too close. It felt nothing at all like it did with Ben. Instead of longing to lean into him, she pressed back against the door, seeking the handle with her hand behind her back.

“Goodnight, my lord.” She said it firmly, hoping he would take a step back.

His brows were drawn together, and the tips of his mouth turned down in annoyance. “You don’t like me at all, do you?”

“My lord?” She looked at him in surprise. She had always been perfectly polite.

He sighed and took a step back. “It would have been easier for us, in the marriage, if you felt more…interested in my company.”

She frowned, shaking her head. “I apologize, my lord. I..”

He interrupted her quickly. “No need to apologize. Arranged marriages are often that way. It certainly was for my parents.” He smiled, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes. “Who knows, maybe we will grow fond of each other with time.”

He was trying to be kind, so she smiled back, a small offering in the face of a lifetime together, but all she had to give.

“Goodnight, Rey.”

She turned and opened the door, happy to find Rose still waiting for her. Probably eager to hear how things went at dinner.

She turned at the sound of the door opening. “Rey I…” Her cheeks turned a shade of pink that Rey had never seen her wear before when she spotted Finn standing in the doorway.

“I’m sorry,” she squeaked. “I didn’t know that Rey had company.” She curtsied quickly before ducking out of sight.

Finn jerked his chin toward the now empty space. “Who is she?”

“Oh, that’s Rose. She’s something of my ladies’ maid these days, but mostly just my closest friend.”

He nodded, still staring in the direction Rose had gone. He finally looked away when Rey cleared her throat. “Yes, sorry. Goodnight, Rey.”

“Goodnight, my lord.”

She closed the door softly behind him, stepping into the room to search for Rose. “Is everything alright?”

Rose peaked out from her hiding spot behind Rey’s bookcase. “That’s Finn?”

Rey nodded, “Yes, he walked me to my room this evening since Ben didn’t come to dinner.” Rose was staring at her, cheeks still unnaturally pink.

She narrowed her eyes at Rey. “Ben’s nice to look at, but I can’t believe you would want to give up being married to Finn.”

Rey smiled knowingly. Rose was always looking at someone with stars in her eyes. “He _is_ handsome. I just…loved Ben too much to really notice, I guess.”

Rose glanced toward the door. “You must love him a lot then.”

They both collapsed into a fit of giggles.

When they finally recovered, Rey sent Rose on to enjoy her evening, declining her help in getting out of the dress she wore to dinner. She wasn’t quite ready to settle down for the night, still too restless from the hectic events of the day.

There wasn’t much to do that sounded appealing, and she finally settled on grabbing a fresh book from the library. Something fun to keep her mind off her own troubles.

The hallways were quiet, and it seemed likely that everyone else had already gone to their rooms for the evening. She didn’t mind, it gave her time to think, to try and work through how she was supposed to be happy after her marriage. She would lose Ben forever, but perhaps she might be able to convince Rose to come along as her maid.

Rose had always wanted to leave this place and see more of the world than their small piece of it.

Rey walked into the library expecting to find it empty and stopped short when she spotted him, sitting in a chair by the window holding a glass of whiskey in one hand and her sword in the other.

He told her he had spotted her last night from the library window, she remembered suddenly.

He was staring at her, not speaking or moving and possibly not even breathing. He was looking at her as if she had just walked out of his dreams and he couldn’t quite decide if she was real or not.

She couldn’t think of anything clever to say so she said the only she could think of.

“Hello, Ben.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing terribly interesting happens this chapter, but we needed it to move the story along. I promise the library scene is going to give us new levels of angst and smut!


	6. Fallen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are bodies. Sometimes with dreams and always with desires- Barbara Kingsolver

He swallowed so hard she could see his throat move from across the room.

“What are you doing here?” His voice was low and fuzzy at edges. She flicked her gaze at the drink in his hand. It seemed as though it wasn’t first.

“I just came for a book. I can come back later.” She turned to go, sensing somehow that she needed to leave before something happened, though she wasn’t sure what.

“Wait.” His voice stopped her in her tracks before she had taken the second step, the longing in it overriding her instincts. “Please don’t go.”

She turned to face him, watched him walk across the room toward her on slightly unsteady feet. Then he was already too close, closer than Finn, closer than he had any right to be when standing in the middle of the library where anyone could see them.

He ran a hand up her arm, brushing his fingertips from her wrist to her elbow over the heavy fabric of her dress. “It’s yellow this time.”

“My dress?”

He nodded. “It’s a good color on you. Like sunshine.” He lifted his hand, still holding the hilt of her sword. “Finn said I couldn’t let you keep this, that you always had to look” he waved a hand to indicate her dress, “like this. He doesn’t see that you are just as beautiful with the sword as you are with the dress.”

“A husband should know those things…I know those things.”

“Yes, you do.” She whispered it, trapped as she watched him lift her hand and press a kiss her wrist, just beneath the sleeve of her gown.

“It should have been me.” He looked at her, begging her with his eyes for confirmation.

She sighed, “Yes, it should have been you.”

The sword and the glass crashed to the ground, unnoticed, as he reached for her. There was no time for thought, or worry about repercussions, before he was kissing her.

She reached for him, pressing her body closer to his as she ran her fingers hesitantly through his hair.

His lips were soft, and he was so gentle with her, holding her as though she was something precious that he might lose at any second. Which, she supposed, she was.

He kissed her breathless, his tongue slipping into the recesses of her mouth and making her moan.

His fingers tightened on her hips and he drew back to look first at her, then the open library door behind her. He bent and slipped his hand beneath her knees, lifting her up and carrying her quickly out of sight of the door and a small area of the library that was nearly completely surrounded by tall bookshelves and walls.

It wasn’t private, but it was the best they could do.

He set her gently on her feet, backing her up until she was leaning against the wall before returning to feast on her mouth.

He slid one hand up to cup her breast and she jerked against him, surprised by the contact.

He paused. “Do you want me to stop?” he whispered.

She considered it for a moment. She knew if she didn’t stop him now that she would never be able to. She would be going to her marriage as a fallen woman and she would be risking exposing herself and her kingdom to shame and ridicule.

He was looking at her so patiently, waiting for her to think it through, but his jaw was set and his eyes were wild. She could feel the tension in his muscles under her hand. He would never press her if she asked him to stop, but he _wanted_ her. He was barely controlling it.

That was all she needed to know.

She nibbled on her bottom lip, looking up at him from under her lashes. Slowly she shook her head. “No, I don’t want you to stop.”

He shuddered out a breath that she hadn’t realized had been holding. He leaned his forehead against hers. “You know how much I wish this was different, don’t you? That I could do this in my bed and take the time that you deserve?”

She looped an arm around his neck, stood on tiptoe to press her lips to his. She knew, of course she did, and she tried to pour all of the love and the forgiveness that she felt inside into the kiss, slanting her mouth eagerly over his and arching her breast into his palm.

He pressed closer trailing his lips and teeth over her neck as his fingers tightened on the fabric of her dress, pulling the skirt slowly up- exposing the skin of her ankles, her calves, her thighs- and then pushing his leg in between her own.

His thick muscular thigh was suddenly rubbing against the core of her, and she could feel the heat building and an unexpected wetness pooling between her legs.

“Ben?” She was grinding against him, unable to stop it but embarrassed about it anyway.

“Shh…” He kissed her again, deeply and with increasing urgency. He pushed his thigh harder against her, rubbing into her as she moaned softly. “I know it feels good. I want you to like it. It’s going to get so much better. I _promise_.”

She didn’t believe that was true, but she trusted him, so she relaxed and let her fears fall away. She gripped him by the fabric of his shirt and held on tight as his mouth on her skin carried all her thoughts away.

Felt his fingers fumbling with the tiny pearl buttons that held the front of bodice together. He swore softly and she took pity on him. His hands were simply too large to finesse something so small. “Let me help” she whispered, reaching to work the buttons open one by one.

His eyes followed the progress of her hands, eagerly watching as each newly released button exposed fresh skin and then the soft white cotton of her shift beneath the gown.

She felt her nipples harden as he stared at her and when he reached one large hand up to slip beneath the shift and his bare skin slid across her breast, she couldn’t control her whimper. When he rolled her nipple between his fingers and the feeling shot down through her stomach and a fresh wave of wetness pooled between her legs, she tossed her head back and panted out a curse word that had Ben’s brow raising in surprise.

“Where’d you learn to talk so dirty?” He was smiling at her and she knew we wasn’t mad, but she felt the blush creep across her skin.

“I heard you say it once,” she admitted.

“I’ll teach you more,” he promised. “I like hearing my filth come out of your mouth when I touch you. You look so prim and so pretty, and I’m the only one who knows what you look like when you come undone.”

She was undone, she knew. Her skirt was riding up around her hips and he had tugged the shift she wore down so that both breasts were exposed.

He shifted, pulling his leg away from her, and she tried instinctively to bring her thighs together, but he shook his head. “Leave them open. I’m going to touch you now. I need to, for what comes next. Do you understand?”

She didn’t, but she nodded anyway. Her eyes flew up to his in surprise when he pressed a gentle hand between her legs, fingers probing softly at the place where all the wetness and wanting was centered. His fingers slid slickly into the mess of her and she flushed again with shame.

“I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I don’t know why…” She looked away from him, eyes shining with unshed tears. She felt as though she had messed everything up badly and didn’t understand how it had happened.

He hooked a finger under her chin, tipping her head back until she looked him in the eye. “I know why. It’s just because you like me touching you. You do like it when I touch you, don’t you?”

“Yes,” it came out as barely a stir of the breath, but she knew he heard her.

“Good, I’m going to touch you more and I promise you are going to like it, and it will be even wetter here, but you have no reason to be ashamed. I want you to be wet for me. It’s the best thing you can give me tonight.”

She gave him a wobbly smile as he resumed exploring her with his fingers. She liked the feeling of it, now that she knew he wasn’t upset about the slickness between her thighs.

He pushed her legs open wider and slid his fingers further into her folds until she was sure they were drenched and then slid them up the center of her until they brushed against a place that sent a shock of sensation through her that was so strong her knees nearly buckled.

“God, you’re so sensitive. Carefully then,” he muttered, more to himself than to her. His fingers cam back but more softly this time, rubbing gentle circles against her most sensitive area as something unexpected began to build inside her.

She spread her legs wider in instinct, clutching to his shoulders for support and balance.

“I’m going to put my fingers inside you now. I need you to tell me if it hurts.”

“Inside?”

“Yes, can you feel that you’re empty? That it feels like something is missing?”

She nodded, she did feel it, but it was strange because she had never felt that way before.

“I’m going to fill the emptiness, but first I’m going to use my fingers, so it doesn’t hurt you.”

None of that made any sense to her, but if he was going to make the empty feeling inside her go away, she decided it didn’t really matter if it made sense.

She felt his finger probe at the entrance to her body and then push inside slowly. Her breath caught in her throat. It was like nothing she had ever experienced, and she clenched down on him in surprise as he began to slide his finger in and out of her gently. She could feel him so far inside her, but she still felt empty.

“Am I hurting you?” He was focused intently in her face watching her reaction as little breaths escaped her lips.

“No!”

“Do you want more?”

She nodded, though she wasn’t sure what the more was that she wanted. Only she needed something and that she was sure he could give it to her.

He pushed against her with another finger, working it into her with the first. She felt fuller now, almost to the point of pain.

“I know, try to relax, I’m going to make it feel better.” He waited until she began to soften around his fingers to begin to move slowly, letting her body stretch and adjust to the intrusion of his hand.

“Oh.. _oh_!” She felt the slide of him moving inside her and the way it pulled against her insides. She opened her legs more, pushed into his hand. She could hear the noises that his hand was making as it slid in and out of her with increasing force, but she was longer embarrassed.

Ben buried his face in her neck, cocooning her with his body as he taught her the pleasure of her own. Then he flicked his thumb across the sensitive nub she had discovered earlier, drawing soft circles around it as she tried to stifle her moans.

When he pulled his hand away, she pulled frantically at his shirt, terrified that she had done something wrong and he was leaving her.

“I’m not going anywhere. No one could make me leave you right now. I wouldn’t care if my own mother walked in, she would just have to watch, because I’m finishing this. Do you understand?” He pressed a hard kiss to her mouth when she nodded.

She felt her insides clench at his words. He sounded arrogant and possessive and she wanted to give him everything.

She released her grip on him as he fumbled with his breeches. She looked away. It seemed so much more personal to see him undress than it had been to undress herself in front of him. Perhaps because she knew he had been with women before and she had no idea what a naked man looked like.

He nuzzled his face into her hair. “Are you scared to look?”

“No, I just don’t want to look,” she lied.

He reached for her wrist, circling it with his hand. “If you don’t want to look, would you like to feel?”

She turned to look at his face, careful not to look down. “I can touch you?”

“Yes, and it will be nice for me, like it was for you. I want to you to understand what I am going to be putting inside you.”

She bit her lip, mulling it over. He had done it her, she reasoned, so it was only fair.

He seemed to sense her agreement and drew her hand toward him, guiding her until she wrapped her fingers around him. His skin was soft under her fingers and he clenched his teeth when she began to explore him tentatively. He was long and heavy in her hand, much bigger than his fingers. She began to doubt that any of this was even possible.

He began to kiss her again, rekindling the fire in her veins until she was once again clinging to him and panting.

“Now, you’re ready,” he whispered. He lifted her, picking her up and pressing her back against the wall to help support her weight. She wrapped her legs around his waist, holding on to him as tightly as possible. She felt him press against her, probing the entrance to her body and her eyes widened as he began to press inside.

This was much different than his fingers, it was heavier and fuller and _more._ Maybe even too much. She could see the sweat on his face, feel the tension in his body as he tried to go slowly, to not move too fast, but it still hurt to be pushed open so far. She whined and wiggled against him.

“I’m sorry,” he stopped, swallowing hard, and kissed her again, thoroughly distracting her as he began to rock gently with is hips, slipping in a little further each time until he had buried his full length inside her.

She could feel him, stretching her and filling her beyond what she thought was possible. It was done, she realized, there was no going back now. She was damaged property and the things she had done here tonight could ruin her betrothal, Ben’s friendship, and the relationship between the two kingdoms.

He looked at her in concern, and she knew that he had seen the emotions flash across her face. She smiled and pulled him for another kiss. There was no going back, and no reason to ruin this moment between them with thoughts of regret.

He moved inside her gently and flexed her muscles around him, savoring the feeling of having him inside her.

“I can feel that,” he gasped. “Do it again.”

She clenched around him, rocking her hips with his thrusts to draw him further inside her. She could feel her wetness flowing over him and their moans mingled with the sound of skin hitting skin as he pumped into harder and faster.

He reached one hand between them to rub circles over the same sensitive place he had touched before, holding up with his other arm. The tension inside her built again, magnified by the feeling of him thrusting inside her.

Something was happening that she didn’t understand.

“Ben?”

“I know. Don’t be afraid. I feel it, too. Just let go.”

She relaxed, no longer fighting the rising force within her, until it broke over with a wave of pleasure that made her whole body shake and her muscles to squeeze down hard around him in rhythmic waves.

He groaned, pushing himself inside her as deeply as possible and she can feel the rush of warmth as he twitches inside her.

He stiffened and she looked at him in confusion. “Is something wrong?”

He cleared his throat, clearly embarrassed about something. “I shouldn’t have…I mean I wanted to do this, but I should have been outside of you for the last part.” He looked stricken, nearly panicked.

“What? Why?”

“I’m so sorry. I just didn’t expect that to happen and you were so tight and…” He shook his head, slowly lowering her to the floor and pulling her clothing around her. She could see the shame and the worry on his face.

“Ben, please, I don’t understand what’s happening.”

“You could be with child,” he said shortly, “because of my mistake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One or two more chapter to go until the end. Thanks for reading this far with me!


	7. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I know what love is, it is because of you. -Hermann Hesse

Ben watched her every available moment as the days passed until her wedding. Wondering if her body carried his child and what that might mean for them all.

It didn’t stop him from pursuing her, from taking her again and again in ever increasingly obvious and risky places.

Finn had been often absent, presumably still angry at both of them about the sword incident, so Ben was trusted as her escort. Everyone’s trust in them was unconditional and horribly misplaced.

He had soon been under her skirts in nearly place available. The library, the hallways, the gardens, even managing to sneak into her bedroom late at night.

He finally had to admit that he might be hoping to get caught when he bent her over the dining room table while they were waiting for everyone else to arrive for the evening meal. She had just managed to get the last button done up on her bodice when his parents arrived with the rest of the guests.

He had also never started pulling out of her, telling himself and her each time that it was an accident. She said nothing, only pulled him in closer each time his breath became ragged and his thrusts more intense.

The dangerous game they played didn’t stop the marching of time. She was soon nearly always occupied with dress fittings and wedding plans. It was a small and simple affair, but still required considerable planning.

He internally rebelled against the whole affair, mentally running over various plans of getting her out of it every time she had to be away for some related task. Nothing came to mind that didn’t involve abandoning his crown, bringing shame on Rey, or causing a war between two kingdoms.

As the day drew closer and his desperation increased, the cost of one, or even all, of those outcomes began to seem far more tolerable.

His mother, seeming to sense the lack of enthusiasm from absolutely anyone toward the rapidly approaching festivities, planned them all a trip to the beach a month before the wedding day.

Ben watched her walk with Finn toward the water. She was wearing a flowing white dress today that was rippling on the salt tinged breeze. Seeing her in white and holding Finn’s arm was nearly more than he could stand.

He was walking behind them, holding his mother’s arm, when she glanced over her shoulder and met his eyes. The message that passed between them was swift, subtle, and unmistakable.

He took her cue and led Leia abreast of Rey and Finn as they reached the water’s edge. “It’s a lovely day for beach combing. Mother, would you like to continue our walk? I’m sure there are shells that would be prize additions to any collection.” He knew she wouldn’t go. She was tired from handling so much of the wedding in the previous days.

Leia patted his arm affectionately, “I prefer not to today, dear. Perhaps Finn and Rey would like to join you?”

Rey smiled sweetly, “Of course, I would love to walk a bit more. Wouldn’t you, my lord?” She looked at her companion from under her lashes, and he shifted uncomfortably.

“Someone should escort the queen back to the others. I would be pleased to keep her majesty company while the two of you continue your walk.”

They made the expected protests, but soon it was just Rey and himself walking slowly down the beach with her arm in his. He picked up small shells as they went, presenting them to her for inspection.

He waited until he was certain that the rush of the wind and the roar of the waves would cover their words before he spoke. “I wasn’t sure this would work. Finn might have wanted to walk with you.”

Ben looked over his shoulder, watching Finn’s progress as he walked Leia back up toward the beach toward Han and the others.

“He wouldn’t.” Rey said shortly. “He’s been distant toward me for weeks and jumps at every opportunity to get away from me.”

She smiled at him and her eyes were mischievous. “It’s made it much easier to find time for other…activities.”

He was immediately heated and half hard, but he knew there too many eyes on them here for there to be an opportunity to slip away.

“Meet me in the garden when we all get back to the castle. Everyone else is going to be busy changing and getting ready for dinner, so we should have a few minutes.”

She fluttered her lashes at him. “In the garden? But, my lord, why? Surely it wouldn’t be proper?”

He began to rub his thumb over the inside of her wrist in slow circles, waited till her eyes darkened and she tucked her bottom lip between her teeth. “Perhaps you’re right. Maybe it would be better if we stayed with the others… for the sake of propriety, of course.”

He watched her purse her lips, nose scrunching as he turned her game around on her.

“Unless,” he continued, “you’d rather we forgot about propriety and I kissed you senseless before I buried myself in you and made love to you until you forgot your own name?”

Her cheeks flamed, but she nodded eagerly. “Yes,” she squeaked, “the second one, please.”

She was adorable. Still half innocent and half wild in the way he loved her best.

She walked with him, chatting about nothing and anything at all, completely at ease with his presence. He knew she was avoiding thinking about the future as much as he was. Just soaking in the moments they had and trying not to let their fears and worry color it with misery.

He returned her sooner than either of them would have preferred, but there was only so far that he could walk her without raising questions.

His eyes met Finn’s as he handed her over to her betrothed and they both looked away quickly. Finn shot him a weak smile and Ben clapped a hand on his shoulder as he walked by.

His guilt was tempered by the love he felt for Rey, but he felt shame wash over him. So often he was so focused on Rey that he forgot he was betraying a man that had been like his brother.

He could feel her eyes on him as he walked away and knew she hadn’t missed the moment. She was perceptive, and closely attuned to his emotions, so he wasn’t surprised to find her waiting for him in the garden with a worried expression on her face.

“Are you alright?”

He pulled her into his arms and rested his chin on her head. “I’m fine. Really. I just…”

“You’re struggling with all this. I’m sorry. I never meant for all of this to happen.” She kept her arms around him, and he let her warmth and her love flow through him.

“It’s not your fault, sweetheart. I wish I could find a way to fix this so no one would get hurt.”

She cupped his face in her hands and lifted her lips to his. She was so sweet. The softness of her lips and her body were soon enough to drive any other thought from his mind.

Her buttons were undone, and her hair was tumbling around her shoulders in moments. They were practiced at this now, and knew exactly where to touch, how to stroke, to lift each other higher.

His teeth nipped her neck and she rewarded him with a small moan. Her fingers skimmed the soft flesh of his stomach and he hissed in a breath.

That’s how they were, bare and raw and vulnerable, with Rey’s skirt bunched up around her waist and Ben’s breeches unbuttoned, when Finn found them.

“What the hell is going on here?” His voice wasn’t even angry. Not at first. He sounded genuinely perplexed as they sprang apart from each other.

Rey turned her back to him, quickly shaking her skirt down around her ankles and buttoning her bodice with shaking fingers.

Ben saw the understanding, and the betrayal, that dawned over Finn’s face. It was overtaken almost immediately by rage.

He barely had time to shove Rey out of the way before Finn’s body crashed into him, sending them both tumbling to the ground.

He could hear the grunts and the sickening sound of fists slamming ruthlessly into flesh. Pain blossomed in his face and he knew Finn and landed a solid punch to his mouth.

Rey was crying and calling his name, and soon her voice was joined by another. This one was reprimanding Finn in loud feminine tones.

They were both ignored until the women began to physically shove their way into the brawl. Rey’s feet were knocked out from beneath her as they men rolled, and it was enough to clear the rage from Ben’s mind.

“Enough, Finn! It’s enough!”

Finn, too, was winding down and soon they were sitting next to each other in the grass, both sporting torn clothing and bloody faces.

Rey and Rose were scowling down at them like they were naughty children.

“What happened?” It was Rose, looking at each of their faces as they all turned away. No one spoke to answer her question.

“Nevermind that,” Rey said. “Are they looking for us inside? Is that why are you all the way out here, Rose?” Rey asked. Now it was Rose’s turn to look away, embarrassment written clearly on her features.

It clicked suddenly in Ben’s mind and he started to laugh, unable to hold it back as it started low in his stomach and rumbled through is whole chest. Suddenly Finn's constant absences and his coldness toward Rey made a lot more sense.

“Ben?” Rey was looking at him in concern. Maybe she was afraid he had lost this mind.

He waved a hand at Rose. “She’s here for him.”

“Him? _Finn?_ She came for Finn?” Rey’s eyes had grown wide as she looked at Rose, who was intentionally avoiding her gaze. Then she too began to laugh. She sat down on the grass beside Ben and laughed until tears ran down her cheeks.

“It’s not that funny,” Rose groused. Then she seemed to reconsider, perhaps deciding that the tears meant Rey was sad after all. “I know I shouldn’t have Rey and I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to!”

Rey was shaking her head. “I’m not angry, Rose. I was here with Ben!”

“Ben? Oh!” Rose looked from one man to the other, putting the pieces together.

“You said you didn’t love her,” her tone was mutinous and directed at Finn.

“I don’t! I came out here and found my best friend in a very compromising position with my betrothed!” He looked from Rey to Ben, as though they might confirm that he was right to be angry and defend him against Rose’s frown.

Ben rubbed absent mindedly at his face, hissing in a breath as his hand made contact with the raw wound on his lip.

Rey was at his side in an instant, tutting over his injuries and pressing small kisses to his face. He glanced over and found Rose doing the same with Finn. She seemed to have forgiven him quickly enough. It must be love, then.

“Finn? What if I had a way to get us all out of this mess?”

Finn turned to look at him, most of the anger having already faded from his battered face. “I’m listening.”

An hour later, in clothing that wasn’t torn and with faces washed clean of blood, Ben and Finn stood in front of the king and queen. They had refused to answer questions about their injuries, insisting that their proposition for the king was more important.

“I’m sorry, I don’t see what could be so important,” Han said. “What exactly is it that the two of you are proposing?”

Ben straightened to his full height, looking his father in the eye. “I refuse to allow Rey to be wed Finn. She doesn’t wish it and neither does Finn. Neither do I, for that matter.”

Han frowned. “The agreement has been made and a marriage was promised.” 

“We agreed for Finn to marry a woman of our kingdom and he has chosen one. He desires to take Rose for his bride. It is a match that I thoroughly approve of. She has a humble birth, but she received a quality education alongside Rey. Their union will satisfy Finn and the arrangement.”

Han nodded, contemplating. “Have you a more ambitious match in mind, then, for Rey?”

“Considerably more ambitious, Father. I plan to marry her myself.”

He was somewhat pleased to note that he had managed to render both of his parents speechless simultaneously. “I know that you had hopes that my marriage would foster relationships with the surrounding kingdoms, but my time spent there has already done that. The friendships forged during those years run deep.”

“Perhaps,” Han finally muttered, “but those friendships turn far more easily to enemies than a relationship sealed in the marriage bed.”

Ben laughed. “I doubt that. I stand here shoulder to shoulder with a brother who found me in an amorous embrace with his betrothed less than an hour ago.”

Leia buried her face in her hands while Han simply sighed. “And if I refuse to allow this?”

“I’m prepared to give up my claim to the throne if necessary.” This time even Finn looked at him in surprise. “She’s mine. She’s always been mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only the epilogue remains for this story!


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To love is so startling it leaves little time for anything else.- Emily Dickinson

Epilogue

To love is so startling it leaves little time for anything else. _Emily Dickinson

Rey smiled sleepily as her husband reached to take their son from her arms. She had fallen asleep again in their rocking chair in the nursery and Ben had come to find her when he realized she was no longer in their bed.

He woke like that often these days. She could hardly take her eyes of the wonder of life they had created together. A new prince with his father’s shock of back curls on pale skin.

She could have spent hours holding him and marveling over the softness of his skin and the sweetness of his sweet baby smell.

Watching her love hold her son’s small body softly against his overly large body made it impossible to resist the tears that gathered at the corners of her eyes. She pressed a knuckle to one that threatened to spill down her cheek.

Ben hated to see her cry, was still overly protective of her after all they had been through, and didn’t yet understand that she did so often these days from joy and not sadness.

She thought back to the night in the library when she had first come to him. Everything then had been cloaked in darkness and despair. She had discovered soon enough, though, that a seed of hope and love had grown from that moment.

If anyone else noticed that the babe had come a bit too soon after the wedding, they were polite and sensible enough not to mention it.

Ben had been a nervous wreck throughout the pregnancy and even worse during the birth. His own mother had banned him from the castle until after the child had been born because he wouldn’t stop poking his head into the room to curse at the midwife every time Rey had a contraction. The poor woman had threatened to quit because he was so frightening.

Still, nothing had prepared her for the love she had seen on his face when he held his son for the first time. Ben had named him Lucien, after the light, and indeed he was theirs.

Ben laid him gently in his bed and turned to face her. “Come, off to bed with you.”

She took his hand and walked with him to their own bed. He laid down and pulled her in beside him. He looked so peaceful, so content now that he knew she would be with him forever. The lines of worry he had worn on his face when faced with losing her had all but completely faded.

For her, it seemed to be almost a dream. Something that she couldn’t quite believe, and which might be taken from her at any moment. After so many years of waiting and longing, he was here and he was hers.

She ran her hand over the broad expanse of his chest. A moment ago, she had been so tired she was content to sleep sitting up, but now that she was wrapped in his arms she suddenly wondered if she would ever need sleep again.

She had grown bolder over the months since their marriage. She no longer hesitated to reach for him, to pull his lip between her teeth and slide her fingers around him as he grew hard beneath her touch.

He growled and rolled her on top of him. She always felt wanton this way, and she could still feel the blush spread across her face and chest, but when he reached for the hem of her nightdress, she didn’t stop him from dragging it over her head.

He always wanted to look at her.

He reached for her, one hand gripping her hip as the other slid between her thighs. He was thrilled as always to find her already wet and welcoming.

She arched her back when he pressed up into her, spreading her knees wider to take in more of him.

She could feel his eyes on her as she began to move slowly. She knew he would be patient, wait for her to set the pace, but his hunger simmered just below the surface. She began with deliberate slowness, teasing him with a subtle rock of her hips that tantalized but didn’t satisfy.

His breath was soon coming in small pants and his fingers on her hips were clenched so tightly that she wondered if she would wake to bruises on her skin. He was pushing up into her, working her with his hips, practically begin her with his body.

She giggled and his eyes flew to her face as she smiled impishly. She trailed a finger down his stomach just to watch his muscles tighten beneath her touch.

“Is something wrong, my lord husband?”

His eyes were narrowed but she could see the laughter lurking in their depths. “Of course not. Have your fun, wench.” He gave her a soft slap on the backside that made her gasp.

How could she not love him? He always found a way to turn the tables on her.

She leaned in to kiss him and he tangled his fingers into her hair. One large hand cupped her breast, squeezing softly before his fingers lingered over her nipple, twisting it into a hard, sensitive bud.

The lovemaking soon became heated again. No longer trying to tease her husband, she began to ride him eagerly, small moans escaping her lips with each movement of his body inside her.

He brought one hand between them and began to rub small circles on the place she needed it most and she soon slipped over the edge into ecstasy, dragging him with her as the waves of pleasure shuddering through her pushed him into his own climax. Warmth flooded through her as he emptied himself into her.

She lay beside him in the quiet after their breathing returned to normal, propped on one elbow so she could see him face. “If you keep doing that, you’re going to have me with child again.”

He raised a brow at her. “Would you be upset if you were?”

She paused, tracing the curve of his lips with her thumb. “No,” she said firmly. “I waited long enough for you. I don’t mind having another again so soon.”

“Not _too_ many, though,” he said, looking at her with mock seriousness.

“Of course, my love. Surely no more than six or seven.”

For once it was his turn to be speechless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank so much for making it all the way to the end of the story! I hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> I'm seriously always amazed that anyone wants to read my writing but if you want to explore my other stories they can be found here https://archiveofourown.org/users/Love_andbalance/works
> 
> I'm also @Love_andbalance on Twitter, where you can find me for Star Wars posts and story updates!


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